GREG GUTFELD: Disaster opening for “The Marvels” is a message to Hollywood that “ultra-woke” doesn’t sell
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Happy Monday, everyone. So there’s a new Marvel movie out, and apparently it’s ridiculous. I haven’t seen it yet because, as you know, I have better things to do.
The new flick is licensed by Disney, which owns the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but the real surprise is how each movie they put out gets worse and worse. The next superhero should be The Incredible Shrinking Box Office, because their last offering ‘The Marvels’ was the worst opening for a Marvel movie ever, even worse than Iron Man versus Little Women. Oh, they were destroyed there. Now, in this universe, women are as physically strong as men. I’m talking about real women now, not the ones with 5 o’clock shadows who can see their name in the snow. But today, entertainment is now secondary to diversity and every team has to be as colorful as a bag of peanut M&M’s and twice as nutty.
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This is the universe, according to Disney. Unfortunately, that’s the same universe where this crap really thrives, and it’s a universe that more and more audiences are finding just as appealing to be. counting liver spots on President Biden’s thigh. So, as Hollywood numbers drop like Nancy Pelosi’s boobs on a hot day, they try to get us to watch movies with a message, but are they getting our message? Have they finally figured out that most of us would rather be shaved with a cheese grater than spend 25 bucks on a cartoon character crack? Apparently not, because with ‘The Marvels’ Disney has made a movie so bad, it makes Hunter’s cocaine boogers look like art. Do we have a clip of the film?
I mean, technically, that’s a **** dog. Yeah, but the reviews for the flick have been brutal. Apparently, the problems include the script, the acting, the casting, the plot.
Other than that, it’s a masterpiece. It’s so bad that the theaters are providing grief counselors to viewers after the movie. It stars the ultra-woke Brie Larson, who hasn’t made a movie you’ve ever seen, and she’s so badass that her first name shouldn’t be Brie, it should be Limburger. Am I right? Some say she’s a piece of ass. If that piece happens to be her head.
INFORMATION: Say sexist!
But that’s beside the point, really, because she considers herself a gender activist, and that means to the awake: Everyone is awesome, unless, of course , that they have a wallet and a Bud Light. Apparently, her great power makes an invisible talent. As far as the script and the rest of the cast, who really cares? Marvel focuses on making good movies like “The View” focuses on cutting carbs.
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Yeah, the crazy idea of making all superheroes a group of fully diverse women beating people up as if they were guys was based on the assumption that there is an audience for that. Well, maybe if they are the US Women’s soccer team. Speaking of which, Megan Rapinoe played the last game of her career on Saturday. It ended with her on the sidelines with an injury. In the presser after the game, she decided who was to blame and, of course, it wasn’t her.
MEGAN RAPINO: I mean, you know, I’m not a religious person or anything and if there was a God like this it’s proof that there isn’t, because this is ****** up. So, yeah, it’s just, it’s just ****** up, because it’s like 6-minutes and ****** my Achilles, I mean, what the **** .
So his wound is proof that God does not exist. I would argue against it. Yeah, an injury during her championship game is proof positive that God is alive and well and has a sense of humor. You are gone, God. But this is an awakening in a short time. Megan went a long way with her awakening credentials, but when that runs out, what are you left with? The fault. Once everything is removed. There is no grace or humility. Just a jerk blaming God or no God. It is a yoke to be awakened. You think the world owes you and you have no thanks. But when the privileged wake up, all that’s left is a rude sermon, and that’s movies today.
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The problem is the audience these producers and directors think is there, isn’t. That’s because the audience doesn’t think like your average Hollywood producer. They are not like them. The audience wants a good movie, not a good sign from a bunch of elitist PC ass-scratches trying to appeal to a select group of rabid activists. Do you want confirmation? It’s in the numbers. Has anyone noticed that women came to see ‘Barbie,’ but not ‘The Marvels’? Barbie made $1,000,000,000 recognizing that women would go see a movie about a doll. Doll. They wait to see a movie about a doll. That’s because whoever did it must have had a childhood and recognized that biology dictates choices and that most girls will be left alone to play with dolls. Well, some guys too, but these dolls are made in Japan and need to be upgraded.
I don’t speak for myself, but while girls played Barbie, boys played army or superhero. Yes, Barbie mentioned patriarchy a few times, but that was so the producers could check the wake box, but women came to it, and they loved it, even if the inspiration was a character on made with more plastic than your average Kardashian. So ‘The Marvels’ is the biggest bomb yet and Disney is losing millions, pretending that women will pay to see it. It is the cinematic equivalent of a book by Brian Kilmeade. No one is buying it, but as it turns out, thank God women and men are not attracted to a film with a message that has no creative or artistic value. Propaganda is like porn. You know it when you see it.
So, as long as Hollywood puts work before work or a suitable script with good dialogue, a solid plot, memorable characters, we’re just going to jump. But luckily for all of us, there are more pleasant ways to spend your day, like a root canal and an IRS audit and even a show tonight.
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