The No. 1 reason people get divorced
If you’ve followed celebrity divorces in the past 30 years, you’ve probably caught a glimpse of Laura Wasser’s career.
Wasser, a divorce attorney at Wasser, Cooperman & Mandles and head of divorce evolution at Divorce.com, has represented Kim Kardashian, Britney Spears and Ariana Grande.
Celebrity divorces aren’t that different from civil divorces, she says.
“I always say divorce is the great equalizer,” Wasser said. “People have the same fear and sadness, whether they’re famous or not.”
The most common reason people choose to dissolve their union, famous or not, is the same.
“The reason people get divorced is because they don’t communicate,” Wasser says.
This issue could appear as, for example, extramarital affairs or unhealthy drinking habits, but usually the inability to communicate is at the heart of the problem.
Prioritize the ‘not super sexy’ conversations before you get married
Many partners who choose to marry have not gone through long periods of discomfort.
“Because you don’t develop the communication tools when things are going well, then when things aren’t going well it’s likely that you don’t have the ability or the ability to talk about them,” she said.
There are a lot of “not overly sexual” conversations that couples should have before they get married, she says.
Is it important that we send our children to a private school? Are you okay with my parents living with us in their old age?
These conversations aren’t fun, but they can save you money and heartache down the road, if the two of you don’t align.
People’s needs may also change over the course of a marriage, in which case good communication is important.
“It’s hard to say, ‘Hey I’m getting older and I don’t feel as attractive anymore,'” Wasser says.
But if your partner doesn’t know how you feel, it’s inevitable that they won’t meet your needs and you’ll be unhappy.
“The resentment builds and you put your energy elsewhere,” Wasser says.
By having tough conversations before or early in marriage, you can cultivate healthy communication habits that will better serve you and your partner.
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